Diary, June 20, 2025
At precisely 7:58 a.m., the first sock went missing.
8:01 a.m.
My closet had become a war zone. I was knee-deep in the trenches: a tangle of denim that didn’t fit quite right, a pile of blazers that suddenly screamed “you are tying too hard”, and an ego that was heading swiftly toward a complete existential crisis.
The mission? Get dressed.
The obstacle?
EVERYTHING I OWN.
Welcome to the battlefield, darlings. This. Is. War.
Objective: Find One Outfit That Doesn’t Betray Me
8:15 a.m.
My dresser drawers opened like Pandora’s box. Out crawled crop tops from my “I do barre sometimes” phase, a rogue Christmas sweater that looked like tinsel exploded all over it, and those decade old sweatpants that look like a worn out pair of combat fatigues.
Things were looking grim. Nothing fit. Nothing matched. Nothing sparked joy.
There were many casualties that morning:
- My confidence. She died tragically at the hands of a pair of high-waisted pants that used to love me and now won’t even zip up halfway.
- Time. Where did it go? It was 7:50… now it’s 8:44 and I’m still emotionally negotiating with a jumpsuit that might be backwards.
- Hope. I thought that dress would look make me look Parisian-chic. Instead, look like an understudy in Les Miserables.
9:10 a.m.
I spiraled through the five stages of wardrobe grief:
- Denial: I have tons of options. I just need to try things on in a different order.
- Anger: Why did I buy this? Who told me mustard yellow was my color?
- Bargaining: Maybe if I just wear the jeans unbuttoned and keep my coat closed?
- Depression: I’m not going. I’ll live in this robe forever. I might even put on the sweatpants.
- Acceptance: Fine. Black turtleneck and slacks, again. I’m not reinventing fashion. Today I’m surviving it.
Strategies for Surviving Closet Combat
1. The Go-To Uniform:
Reach for that one outfit that never fails you. It might not be exciting, but it gets you out the door without emotional damage. Think of it as your emergency ‘uniform’.
2. Divide and Conquer:
Smart organization and planning is key. Separate your closet by color, season, or event (work, leisure, party).
3. Lay Flat Like a Victim:
Sometimes the only thing to do is collapse dramatically onto your bed and rethink everything while your dog judges you. And he will judge you.
4. Reframe the Chaos:
Instead of saying “I have nothing to wear,” try “I’m experimenting with what type of hero I want to embody today.”
Thoughts from the Fashion Trenches:
If you’ve ever torn through ten outfit changes and ended up wearing the same hoodie you started in, congratulations. You’ve survived another morning in the fashion trenches. Let’s be clear: getting dressed isn’t just about clothes. It’s a mental battle between who you were, who you are, and who you’re trying to be before 9 a.m. on a Friday.
So wear the sweatpants. Or don’t.
Put the blazer back on the hanger.
You’re not dressing for the world. You’re dressing for the version of you that woke up and showed up (even if you did weep a little in the fashion trench). And that person can be anyone you want. Because even if your outfit is a mess, you’re still the main character in it.
Reporting live from the pile of discarded blouses. I will survive the war, and so will you.
